Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been hearing a lot about the latest trend taking TikTok by storm—the stay-at-home girlfriend. I’m not sure what to make of the whole thing, to be honest.
Welcome to week 23 of The Sunday Spark, a series with weekly thoughts and highlights, nuggets of learning, and a sustainable living tip for the week. In addition to musings on the stay-at-home girlfriend trend, this week I look at mushroom coffee, generational biases in the workplace, blue carbon, and exploring local hiking trails.
The Sunday Spark – Week 23
On my mind this week: Who are these stay-at-home girlfriends?
I had never heard the term “stay-at-home girlfriend” until a couple of weeks ago but now it seems to be popping up everywhere. Earlier this week, I read an interesting piece from BravelyGo about the long-term financial implications of this lifestyle for the young women who jump on this bandwagon.
If you’re not familiar with the term stay-at-home girlfriend, think stay-at-home mom without the kids—or the household chores. These are young, and usually extremely attractive, women who find themselves a guy with a great job and a lot of money. While the guy goes out and earns the money, these women occupy themselves filming the highlights of their day and uploading videos to TikTok or whatever other social platform they can use to influence others.
Now, the goal of finding a man to look after you isn’t a new one. You’ve probably heard the term sugar daddy. And back in the day, we spoke of many young women who went to university to get their M.R.S., meaning the only reason they went to university was to find a husband.
So here we are in 2023, and the idea of finding a man to look after you is taking the Internet by storm. It feels like we’ve stepped back in time.
What’s the problem with the stay-at-home girlfriend?
The trend is disheartening because women have fought long and hard for independence, and we’re still a long way away from full financial and legal equality with men. But these women are proudly giving up their independence and promoting this glamorous lifestyle to others. It’s exactly the kind of thing that people eat up in the shallow world of social media.
So, what’s the problem? Doesn’t everyone have the right to live their lives as they see fit? They’re not hurting anyone, right?
For sure, everyone is free to live their life however they wish, but I have a few concerns about the whole trend. Here’s what I’d tell my daughters if they were tempted to give up their independence and become a stay-at-home girlfriend.
First, like all influencers, these women market their fashionable lifestyle as something anyone could achieve. Realistically, it’s only available to very small number of women, who just happen to be extremely attractive. Looks aside, think about it for a minute. It takes a very large income to support two people in luxury in today’s economic environment. How many guys do you know that earn enough money to do this? This all sounds like the definition of privilege.
Moreover, as BravelyGo pointed out in their post, these stay-at-home girlfriends are sacrificing their financial future by not building their own credit history, retirement savings, or employment history. I hope they find a way to cash in on their 15 minutes of fame because, rest assured, the day will come when their partner tires of them and trades them in for a younger, more attractive, version of themselves.
And then, who will bring home the bacon and keep these women in the lifestyle they have become accustomed to?
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Three highlights of the week
It’s important to celebrate big milestones and simple pleasures in life. Keeping the trend going, here are three highlights and simple pleasures of the week gone by:
- Last weekend, I had the opportunity to relax on the deck with a book.
- Monday’s full moon was beautiful. I’m glad we got to enjoy it before the smoggy skies from the forest fires moved in.
- My daughter Laura accepted a job offer that she’s really excited about. It’s a great opportunity, but it means she’ll be moving across the country to British Columbia. I’m happy for her, but I will definitely miss her.
Three things I learned this week
Life is all about learning. Here are three things I learned this week:
Mushroom coffee – It’s a real thing
I’m not a coffee drinker but I was intrigued by this post by my friend Rachel over at Jasperden Heath. I had never heard of mushroom coffee. It turns out it’s a blend of ground mushrooms and coffee beans, and it has 50% less caffeine than coffee and all the health benefits of mushrooms. Drop by Rachel’s blog to learn more.
Letting go of generational biases
I completed the Diversity across generations – Supporting workforce inclusion course on LinkedIn Learning this week. Presenter Linda Croyle addressed many of the biases we see in the workplace. Here are a few nuggets I found interesting.
- Millennials are the least trusting generation. Only 19% of them believe people are trustworthy. At the other end of the spectrum, 40% of boomers believe people are trustworthy.
- 40% of workers in the United States have a boss who is younger than them. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a boss who was my age or older. I think it has been at least 12 years.
- All generations want meaningful, purposeful, growth experiences at work. And they want to be well compensated and appreciated. Each generation has its own idea of what that looks like and how to get it. There is no right or wrong way—just different ways.
The bottom line is many of the biases we believe to be true about older workers and younger workers are just stereotypes. If we set aside our biases, all generations can learn from each other.
What is blue carbon?
June 8 was World Ocean Day, a day to raise awareness of the impact of human behaviour on the oceans. On my reading that day, I heard a term I’ve never heard before—blue carbon.
Blue carbon is the term for carbon captured by the world’s ocean and coastal ecosystems. Sea grasses, mangroves, and salt marshes along the coast act as carbon sinks, meaning they capture and hold carbon from the atmosphere. That’s why protecting and restoring coastal habitats is a good way to reduce climate change. (Source: National Ocean Service)
Sustainable living tip: enjoy a local walking trail
Last weekend, I suggested leaving our cars at home and finding alternative modes of transportation for one or two journeys during the week. I did that on Tuesday when I walked to choir practice instead of driving. With our current air quality issues due to the forest fires raging across Canada, every little bit of pollution we can eliminate is a good thing.
Getting outdoors in nature is great way to stay connected to the Earth, and it serves as a powerful reminder of why we need to protect our planet. I’m a big fan of taking advantage of local experiences and hidden gems close to home, so my tip for this week is to find a local walking trail to explore and get outside in nature. If you’re in Waterloo Region, check out this post for some trails you might not have discovered.
Now, let’s hope the air clears so we can enjoy it.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on any of this week’s topics. Drop me a comment below and let me know your thoughts and ideas.
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Sadly, I have been seeing the ‘stay-at-home girlfriends’ on social media more and more these days, although I did not know that is what they are called. It is not something I want for myself, but I see how it is harmful in the face of younger girls who begin to aspire toward what they see as a glamorous and desirable lifestyle.
Congratulations to your daughter and thanks for sharing what you learned about mushroom coffee!
Thanks Layla. That’s the issue I have with all of these “influencers”. They are peddling a lifestyle that is not feasible for most people and it can be damaging to their viewers’ mental health in so many ways.
When I became a freelance dance performer and teacher, I collaborated with dancers of different dance styles of different ages. Experience definitely makes a huge difference but as long as you keep an open mind, age doesn’t matter.
You age because you have stopped learning.
I agree 100% Ranjana. I work with a lot of people much younger than me and we all get along great. That said, I have witnessed ageism at my workplace and in many other places.
I can’t imagine a day when I ever stop learning!
Fascinating. I don’t drink coffee but it sounds like a lovely idea to enjoy some additional help benefits. Congratulations to your daughter on the new job. I think you were already planning a trip out West this summer? One of the trails I read about years ago that I’ve never done is in Pacific Rim National Park. I’m sure all of Canada has great hiking but perhaps you’ll get to enjoy the hiking out west as well.
Thanks Wynne. Yes, I will actually be out west twice this summer. I’ll be on Vancouver Island in late July and in Seattle in August. Unfortuntely, she’ll be in the interior of British Columbia, and my travel arrangements are already made, so I won’t have a chance to see her. I told her I’ll visit in the fall once she gets settled. I can always work from her place for a week.
Thanks for the tip. I’ll put Pacific Rim National Park on our list for Vancouver Island.
Stay-at-home girlfriends sound really self-indulgent to me. I feel sorry for the guys who are being used. Glad you walked to Choir practice and happy for your daughter getting a great new job.
Thanks Jamie. I suppose one could argue that the guys are getting what they want out of the relationship or they wouldn’t put up with it, although it doesn’t feel like it would have much long-term staying power.
I wasn’t aware of the term “stay-at-home-girlfriend.” It’s one thing if one of the spouses stays home to care for the children, but the notion of staying home to become “an influencer” and make TikTok videos is disturbing.
We’re retired now, but from a guy’s perspective, this is precisely the kind of woman I’d avoid. I like that I’m married to a strong, independent woman who had her own career and wasn’t beholden to worshipping the ground her husband walked on.
You make a great point, Pete! I think the kind of guys who would be attracted to these women are pretty shallow. Not the type of guy I’d want to get involved with.
First of all, many thanks for the mention! And, congratulations to your daughter on getting that job.
I’ve never heard of stay-at-home girlfriends. What a joke and an insult for women who continue to fight for equal pay etc.
If they had children it would make a bit of sense because of high childcare costs but it’s still a risk for them in the long term.
My pleasure Rachel! Yes, it is a joke, and a risk I wouldn’t be willing to take. As another commenter pointed out, there are no guarantees in life but I prefer to at least take steps toward being in control of my own destiny rather than put my trust in someone else.
There’s always going to be people who want someone else to support them. It’s not a new trend, and it will continue to exist in the future. Some of the ones I see doing this had very independent moms and it’s a backlash to that lifestyle.
I get that on some level but I hope they know the risks they’re taking by putting all their trust in the hands of a guy.
There are no guarantees for anything, no matter what the path. I know a lot of people who are part of the gig economy which isn’t giving one a future either
Congratulations to your daughter Michelle! Thanks for the intro on a few new things this morning. Not much comment on the stay at home GF except that reality will happen at some point and WOW, that won’t be a good day! I think I’ll stick with coffee as usual and leave out the mushrooms- which I love btw but probably not in my coffee 🙂
Of course I give a big thumbs up to the walking trails. Nothing better!
Thanks, Deb! Yes, I’m not so sure about the mushroom coffee either. I quit drinking coffee because it bothered my stomach. Maybe mushroom coffee would be easier on my system.
Maybe, but I definitely would want the coffee taste to come through and not the mushroom broth subtleties 🙂
I shared this post to Facebook because I think, like you, these girls are making a huge mistake!
Thanks Kim. I appreciate you sharing my post! In this day and age, any woman who depends fully on a man financially needs a reality check.
She sure does, especially with today’s generation! Most young men I know can barely keep a job or don’t want to work anyway!
Yesss….I’ve caught wind of the ‘stay at home girlfriend’ THING and as the hubby and I watched the new documentary about Mary Tyler Moore’s life last night I shuddered thinking about the reversal in ideas/goals/aspirations coming from the young influencers touting the ‘take care of me’ lifestyle. Just made me sad. To each his own, for sure, but as moms of daughters…Michelle…I know we expect so much more, don’t we? 😉
You’re right, Vicki! We do expect more. Although I’m sad my daughter is moving clear across the country, I’m proud of her for her independence and adventurous spirit. That will serve her well.
She will shine! 🥰