Oops! I did it again. I joined a Facebook group thinking I might pick up some helpful decluttering and minimalism tips. Boy was I wrong! Instead of learning something, I encountered what I call “Extreme Minimalism”.
There were some friendly and helpful people in the group. Then there were the others. Some of them were judgmental and downright nasty. It reminded me of my experience a couple of years ago when I joined a zero-waste group thinking it would help me learn more about living a greener life.
But, the experience did make me stop and think about my relationship with stuff, and what I’m trying to achieve with all this decluttering.
Meet the “isms”
Like many people, the problem I have with the “isms” (Environmentalism, Minimalism, Veganism, and such) are the extremists. I’ve always believed in the saying “all things in moderation”. In my opinion, taking anything to the extreme can be dangerous, and can lead to obsessive behaviour. I innocently stated that in the group and I got told, flat out, that I was wrong. No room for discussion. Just wrong!
That’s my problem with extreme minimalism, or any of the “isms”. They are right. You are wrong. There’s no middle ground, and definitely no room for discussion. Early in my journey to live a greener life, I learned that’s not the way to get people to change their habits. A better way to get people on board is to lead by example, model the behaviour you believe is right and, when asked, answer people’s questions without judging.
Am I a minimalist?
This is a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately.
In 2020, I set a goal to buy no new clothing. It made me realize I own too much of pretty much everything. In 2021, I set out to declutter my life with the 52-Week Decluttering Challenge.
As I focus on living a more sustainable life and decluttering, I realize that I actually need very few possessions. I no longer get excited at the idea of buying something new. In fact, I take a much more mindful approach to shopping these days. I question everything I want to buy and usually end up not buying it.
So yes, I might be turning into a bit of a minimalist. But that doesn’t mean I want to live in a house with bare walls, and few possessions. To me, minimalism is about owning less. Everyone has a different definition of less. For me, it’s having the right number of possessions, and items I love and use. It’s not about empty rooms.
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Extreme minimalism
I just can’t embrace extreme minimalism. It’s true that, for some people, hoarding is a very real problem. Hoarding Disorder is an illness that impacts around 2.6% of the population. For them, maybe the extreme approach is the right approach. (Here’s an excellent article if you want to learn more about Hoarding Disorder .)
But most of the people in the Facebook group were people wanting to live a simpler life and free themselves from the burden of too many possessions. They came looking for tips, ideas and support. Many of them left frustrated and battered.
Examples of extreme minimalism
During my few weeks in this group, I saw some views about minimalism that I just can’t get behind. Here are some examples of what I call extreme minimalism:
- Shaving your head so you can get rid of your shampoo, blow dryer and other haircare items. Having lost my hair during chemotherapy, I found this one pretty offensive.
- Not having anything patterned in your home. All curtains, bedspreads, duvet covers must be plain coloured.
- Removing flowers and vases.
- Getting rid of everything hanging on walls, including family photos.
- Replacing dishes with disposable paper plates and plastic cups.
- Living with no furniture.
- Wearing only black clothes.
- Owning only one plate, bowl, cup, knife and fork for each person in the house.
- Offending family members by refusing gifts. I do have a hard time with unwanted gifts myself but I’d rather graciously accept the gift, then donate or re-gift it. Life is too short to spend it fighting over stuff.
I’ve said this so many times. Our house is our home. It’s not a model home or show home. Real people live here. People with lives and who own stuff to live those lives. I have no intention of removing all the personality from our home. It might work for some people, but it’s not for me.
In the end I got tired of the drama and left the group. I just couldn’t take all the bickering and attacks on people who would ask an innocent question, or proudly show a picture of a room they had decluttered only to be told it’s a mess.
My slow and steady approach to decluttering works for me. Remember the tortoise and the hare?
What do you think of extreme minimalism? Tell me your thoughts below.
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Excellent reminders Michelle! Everything is about balance and too much one way or the other isn’t feasible or needed really. Taking an interest and trying to do better for our planet isn’t about deprivation.
Exactly Deb! I’ve always maintained that if every person did just a little, we’d be in a much better place. My own experience is that the little changes snowball and lead to bigger changes. But, I’ve never felt deprived at any point in my journey. It’s actually been the opposite. I feel richer and more in control of my life thanks to the changes I’ve made.
Thanks for reading and joining the conversation!
I find it odd that minimalism has become an ‘ism’. It’s not something I understand to be a trend. For me, it’s my personality and sense of style. I would never tell someone else to ‘be’ it or even ‘how to’ because I can’t even explain those things. I know how I like my space to look and I know how I feel about material possessions. It doesn’t bother me that others have styles and personalities that differ a tiny amount of are completely opposite of mine (unless they are intruding in my space and placing their items there, which will probably cause me some anxiety and confusion). I’m all for people giving organizing or decluttering tips to those who ask, but why anyone would try to jump on a bandwagon and get others to do the same escapes me. I love just white walls with just one chair at my vanity and my bed and one green plant in my bedroom. It’s just my style and makes me breathe a sigh of relief walking into my room. It feels relaxing, clean, easy, simple. But those same feelings can come from having rainbow colors all over their room with tons of their favorite Knick knacks on display and furniture covering the floor to someone else. A personality and sense of style should never be trends. We are individuals and what makes us happy does not need to be universally uniform.
Hi Rhea. I am happy to hear that you’ve found a style that works for you and brings you a sense of peace. I think that’s what we’re all searching for.
You’re right that everyone is different and what works for one won’t work for others. I think that’s the concern I have with some of the “extremists” I’ve encountered. If my striped blanket or family photos on the wall make me happy, who are they to tell me to get rid of those things because they don’t fit their image of how things should be?
Thanks for reading and commenting!
My daughters encourage me to be more minimalist. I try but I am very far from the extreme!
I agree with many of the principles of minimalism, but I will never embrace the extremes I saw in that Facebook group.
Wow! I guess I’m a moderate minimalist. We have three bath towels each and servicing for 6 despite being a two person home.
We display things we love and keep things that are useful. We have discarded things that we do not love or find to be useful.
We give each other mostly gifts of experiences. Occasionally we give each other things that we know the other person has had on there list for some time.
Sadly, I’m not surprised to hear that there are extreme minimalists. Wow
That sounds like a good approach Bonnie. Sadly, I’ve learned there are extremists in everything in life.
Absolutely there are!
I really don’t like the idea of extreme anything! I totally get what you mean, I once joined a vegetarian/vegan facebook group and it got completely out of control – I felt so guilty for not being vegan and felt like I kept having to explain myself!
I also like the idea of decluttering but minimalism is too much for me. I get obsessed with things very easily which I know isn’t very healthy so I try to keep things in moderation too.
So true Caroline. We all have to do what works for us and we shouldn’t have to justify our choices if they’re not harming anyone else! That’s why I don’t understand the extreme thinking. Why do people always have to be right and prove everyone else wrong?
I agree! Lately there has been a huge movement of people wanting to be minimalists. I have seen & heard of people get rid of their furniture, use only one plate or bowl for each person in the house, whittle down the quantity of books & clothes… I’ve found it to be both very admirable and brave to do these things.. but at the same time I know that I could never do that. At least not at this point in my life. I can’t see myself getting rid of furniture and doing everything on the floor, having to wash dishes after every meal because there aren’t enough in the house or not having enough dishes for guests, or having only ten articles of clothing in my closet. I can understand the reasoning & I applaud them but it’s definitely not for me.
I commend you for pointing out the extremes as sometimes it feels like you aren’t a true minimalist if you aren’t getting rid of everything in your house that isn’t nailed down. As you say there are extremes to everything & I also agree that moderation IS key. It’s never good to do too much of anything and always best to set limits and go maybe halfway or do what is right for you.
and having said that I think everyone’s definition of minimalism is different. For some people it may begetting rid of everything that exists in a capitalist society. For others, it might mean some bits of decluttering here and there but still having stuff. As long as you find the medium that is right for YOU then that is all that matters.
Great post! Thanks for posting
Yes, I saw some of those ideas in that group too. One towel per person, one plate per person, using paper towels instead of dish towels (oh the waste). It boggled my mind.
Ultimately, I believe everyone can make their own choices and decide how to live their own life. When they started attacking others, that’s when I decided I’d had enough. People looking for tips and help would start their posts with “Don’t attack or hate me for this but…”. That’s just not helpful at all.
As I’ve been decluttering, I have kept a lot of items with special meaning. I’ve also kept things I don’t really need but I want or like. Those are the things that make us unique. It would be a pretty boring world if everyone’s house looked exactly the same, and everyone dressed the same.
Thanks for reading and commenting Helen. I always enjoy your perspective.
Wow! I’ve never encountered people like these and am grateful for the warnings groups like this exist. It sounds like they’ve taken an idea of minimalism and changed it into something else. I’m not a minimalist by any means, but I do believe I could be a minimalist and still own my favourite turquoise chair 😄
Ha ha. I’d love a turquoise chair – even if it had stripes or polka dots! Some of this stuff just baffled me. I didn’t understand how some of the things they suggest would simplify my life which, to me, is the whole point of owning less.
It’s funny Michelle, because when I see the words “extreme” and “minimalism” I immediately think they are the perfect example of an oxymoron. I know it isn’t, really, but I always think of extreme meaning “more”. I am learning a new perspective!
Regarding the FB group: did anyone say why, for example, no patterns in your home? That makes no sense to me whatsoever.
I’m with you; balance, moderation, and a home is supposed to be lived in. 🙂
Oh no, Cher! They don’t explain why and no one dares ask. LOL I can only imagine it’s to keep things simple and plain looking.
LOL They sound like a fun-time group!! 🤣🤣
Oh yes. A barrel of laughs! 🤣🤣🤣🙊
Hehehehe!!! 🤣🤣🤣
People like to use labels to make them feel like they have a sense of belonging. When people make these groups, it can become even more polarizing because everyone in the group has a very strong sense of who they are… this can lead to polarizing sides or “extremes.” Extremes are not how 99.9% of the population live, so I try to take these lifestyles with a grain of salt and find a happy medium.
I am an essentialist (a label I have put on myself but don’t always adhere to) and only buy what I need, but I’m not perfect. Nobody is. No extreme minimalist is perfect either. However, many people will try to convince us that they are perfect, especially on social media where they can hide behind their facade.
I agree Hilary. I just can’t embrace any kind of extreme. I prefer to take a more moderate approach but, even then, I’m far from perfect. I really like the term essentialist. That makes a lot of sense.
Buy what you need, keep what you need, use what you have. I like the simplicity of essentialism and am always trying to simplify things 🙂
Minimalism to a scary extreme? I confess I have come away from this with raised eyebrows! To shave off my hair and use only disposable dishes? That is something I have never considered.
I enjoy tidying and downsizing, mostly because I enjoy space and like to have room to grow into, but I believe that a home needs some personality. As emptiness is its own personality, I appreciate that you have shared your experience with this group. A shame it is a negative place to the people who come across it by mistake . . .
It is scary. Honestly, I just didn’t know what to think and knew within the first couple of days of joining the group that it wasn’t for me. I stuck around for a couple of weeks purely out of curiosity!
I’m enjoying my decluttering but I will NEVER get to the point where my home is sterile and hotel-like.
Sterile . . . that is the word I was looking for! It chills me . . . Love that you stuck around a little while, though, just to see what the story was.
Ha ha. I had to stick around to get enough material to write this post. 🤪
I’m all for simplifying your live (in terms of material things), but extreme minimalism is a bit too extreme for my taste. I like having a few creature comforts.
Me too! We need those little luxuries. And some of the ideas I read in that group just make no sense to me.
These people sound very unhappy with life and themselves – a psychiatrist’s playground. Very sad! So glad you got away from them.
Yes. That’s often the case with people who find something to criticize about every little thing. Then, they would make fun of people who said they were leaving the group because of the drama. Definitely a toxic group of people.
It is easier when they don’t have to say things to someone’s face.
True. That’s part of the problem with social media – the perceived anonymity. I always remind myself there’s a real person who will read this!
I’m like you. I wouldn’t stay in a toxic group like that.
I only buy clothes when I need them and I’ve stopped buying books and CDs unless I can stream them.
I noticed that their ideas included buying disposable plates and cutlery; not exactly environmentally friendly, are they!
I know! Between the disposable plates and shaving your head, it was all just a bit much for me. I just don’t understand that kind of extreme thinking.
I’m with you on this Michelle. While I’m happy to declutter and live with less stuff, I have no desire to opt for an extreme lifestyle!
I’m definitely not a minimalist, but I am more thoughtful about what I buy. In the last 18 months or so I’ve dramatically cut down on my shopping and spending. The pandemic made me realise how much money I was spending on things I didn’t really need.
I have no time for people who are extreme about ‘isms’ and try to force their views on others. Sounds like that’s the type of people you came across in the Facebook group!!
Hi Jaclyn. Your appraoch sounds exactly like mine – a mindful, thoughtful and less wasteful approach without going overboard! My mind keeps coming back to the tortoise and the hare. Slow and steady wins the race.
I like how well you articulate the challenges and pitfalls of extremism — wherever it shows up… “Moderation in all things” makes me think of the wisdom encoded in the yin-yang symbol, which has been guiding and inspiring human beings for millennia. One of the things I continue to appreciate and savor here on WordPress is the lack of drama and disrespectful interactions. Folks with worldviews and life experiences very different from mine have read one of my blog posts and left a short, respectful comment. I know from reading some of THEIR blog posts that we disagree about a LOT of topics (and I attempt to do the same in the comments I leave after reading their blog posts). Hurrah that you investigated this FB community…and then realized it was not a great fit for your more balanced/nuanced perspective.
You’re right about WordPress, Will! There is so much respectful conversation, even if we disagree. I wonder if it’s because, as bloggers, we need to look at all sides of an issue to write about it effectively. I always try to do that when I write. I think of all the objections someone might have and address them in my post if I can. And, I like when people disagree with me as long as they are respectful. I learn a lot from those exchanges.
I’ve met some bloggers on WP who are quite rude when I disagree with them. They attack me rather than have a healthy debate. Although it’s rare on WP, these people do exist. When it happens and I notice it’s coming from an emotional POV rather than a logical POV, and if the other person is unable be respectful (name calling is not respectful), I will stop replying to them. It’s hard to walk away in the middle of a heated argument or debate, but it’s the quickest way to end something that’s getting ugly.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had that experience Hilary. It seems those kind of people are everywhere. I agree it’s best to walk away because I’ve learned you can’t win those arguments.
Walking away cuts them off, so they can’t keep ruffling our feathers. It’s hard because they get the last say but it’s the quickest way to end the argument. To just go silent on them. It can be tricky especially when we have invested our energy and time to maintain an online friendship. These bloggers are often the hardest to walk away from.
I recommend applying this to any type of forum or group with a comments section (FB, YouTube etc.)
I could never be a minimalist. We retired and moved a few years ago. We purged a lot and still continue to purge to this day even though we haven’t bought “stuff” in a while. It just amazes me how much “stuff” we can accumulate. I do like the concept of removing something when you bring something new into your home. One thing in, one thing out.
One in, one out is such a great approach Angie. I try to do the same. I hear you on how much stuff we accumulate over a lifetime. I am finding things I had totally forgotten I owned and wondering why the heck I kept them for so long.
Groups like that sound scary! Minimalism is about owning less so you can have more space and time and be happier! There isn’t a certain amount of things that you should own or a list of specific items you should have or not have.
I think you are doing great on your decluttering journey! Progress over perfection, right? 😏😁…and with minimalism, there is no perfect way to do it or end to it. It is a journey and a lifestyle choice. Great post! Extreme minimalism isn’t the only way. Be true to yourself.
Yes, there are definitely a lot of extremists on some of these Facebook groups. I agree with you that minimalism isn’t about owning or not owning certain things. It’s about what you need and want in your life. I’m happy with the progress I’m making. I’m much more mindful about what I own and buy these days. Progress not perfection is where it’s at!
I live a pretty minimalist life. I mean I have two pairs of pants left that I can wear to work. And the yoga pants are 5 years old. All pairs dying within months on one another. I do not buy clothing unless I have to. I just wear them until they literally fall apart. I cleaned out my books (I know I can hear the gasps I kept my fav authors that I collect but having a kindle) and my cupboards. I then went out and bought myself brand new plates and kitchenware. Why? Because in the 6 years I have been on my own I have had all hand me downs. Which are not bad but I wanted bright colorful dishware. I cannot understand ism’s and the extremists. And one must suppose that their abusive mean behaviour can only stem from the fact that they are really unhappy living that austerely. But once you have made a grand stand it is rather hard to step back and say well maybe……IDK but it makes sense. One cannot deny all beauty and needs in life. Sorry ran away with myself. 🙂
Like you, I wear my things out before getting rid of them. I used to buy new things just for the sake of buying something new. I’m over that now!
I love that you treated yourself to some colourful dishes! I think we all need to give ourselves the freedom to treat ourselves when we want or need to. That’s the danger of extremism. Life is short so don’t deny yourself something that can make you smile. Just don’t go overboard.
I don’t disagree with the idea of minimalism because I think ultimately it’s a healthier way to live than obsessive consumerism. I really struggle with the immediate reaction to everything being “get rid of it” with no room for discussion.
I purge on a six month basis. If not used get rid of.