It’s official! I survived! We recently celebrated our youngest daughter’s 18^th birthday so I can proudly say I am now the mom of two young adults. As I paused to reflect on the last 21 years, I made a list of my top 10 parenting tips to share with you.

This post was originally published in May 2021 and updated in May 2024.

Being a parent is tough. These little beings don’t come with an instruction manual and, even if they did, most parents are too busy and frazzled to read it. I don’t consider myself a parenting expert and I’ve made mistakes, but I have learned a lot in the last 21 years. My daughters have grown up to be responsible adults so I like to think I might have done a few things right along the way.

So today, I’m sharing my top 10 parenting tips. If you’re just starting your family, I hope these little nuggets of wisdom will be valuable. If you’re embarking on the teenage years, just know that everything will be okay.  

Michelle’s top 10 parenting tips

Time flies so enjoy every day!

It may be a cliché, but the years really do fly by. When your kids are small, it feels like they’ll be with you forever. But they won’t. As they get older, they’ll be around less and eventually they’ll move out leaving you with an empty house and time on your hands.

Sleepless nights, middle-of-the-night feedings and early morning wake-up calls aren’t a lot of fun, but I promise you’ll miss your kids when they’re gone.

Find something to be grateful for every day. Write it down. Years from now, you’ll cherish the memories. I took lots of pictures when my girls were small, but I wish I had done more journaling.

Photo by Andrew Apperley from Burst

Look for something positive in every stage

Every stage in your child’s growth and development is different. Some stages are fun. Others are no fun at all. I recall conversations with parents who said they couldn’t wait for their kids to grow up and move out. I can honestly say I never felt that way. I accepted every stage for what it was and tried to turn the negatives into positives. Here are some examples…

• A baby crying in the middle of the night means they love you and they know they can depend on you.
• Toddler tantrums mean they’re learning to express their emotions.
• Elementary school homework tears and struggles mean they are trying and want to learn.
• Teenage rebellion means they are developing into independent beings with minds of their own.

When you look back on their lives, you realize that however trying these stages are, they really are just a small blip on the radar of their lives. Just tell yourself “This too shall pass”. Oh, and wine helps!

Ignore the critics

When you have kids, you’ll find out that everyone is a parenting expert, And, for some reason people who’ve never had kids seem to know more than everyone else. I’m not sure why, but people feel the need to tell you that you’re doing everything wrong, or they have a better way, or your kids will grow up to be <insert horrible personality trait here> if you keep doing what you’re doing.

As an example, think of the guilt we heap on working moms. When my girls were in elementary school, I remember another mom telling me “Well WE chose not to have someone else raise OUR children.” Okay, great. If that’s an option for you, then good for you. It’s not an option for everyone, so don’t judge without knowing all the facts.

If you’ve asked for advice, that’s okay. If you didn’t, just tune out the critics or learn to politely say that you’re fine with the path you’re on.  

Which leads me to my next point.

Trust your instincts

Learn to listen to that little voice inside your head that’s telling you something isn’t right. I’m not suggesting you be paranoid but if something doesn’t feel right, ask questions. Keep asking questions until you feel comfortable with the information you have.

This is especially true with anything to do with your child’s health, but it also applies to things like their education, and their choice of friends.

Nine times out of ten, your instincts won’t be far off.

Photo by Nicole De Khors from Burst

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Don’t sweat the small stuff

No matter what happens in your child’s life, keep things in perspective. Most of the things we stress about every day really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. When my daughter decided to dye her hair pink, purple and blue, my husband hated it. I told him if that’s the worst thing she ever does in her teenage years, I’m cool with it.

I’m not suggesting you tolerate disrespect or bad behaviour. That needs to be dealt with. But, for everything else, ask yourself “Will I care about this in 10 years?” If the answer is no, let it go! It’s not worth the stress of an argument and the potential damage to your relationship with your child.

Learn to pick your battles!

Photo by Luis Quintero from Pexels

Take time for yourself

Being a parent is all-consuming. When my girls were small, I admit I didn’t take enough time for myself. Maybe it was the guilt of being a working mom, but I hated spending evenings and weekends away from my girls.

As my kids got older, I started to again pursue my own hobbies and interests. You need this kind of outlet. Make time for things that matter to you. You’ll be less stressed and it’s great for your kids to see you enjoying life.

Get involved in their world

When your kids are babies and toddlers, you control their whole world. As they grow, that’s no longer the case. I remember dropping my girls off for their first day of school and feeling anxious because they were entering a whole new world. No matter how much they shared each day, I didn’t really know everything that went on behind those doors.

So, I dealt with it the best way I knew how, I got involved. I volunteered to go on field trips so I could get to know their friends, and their parents. I joined school council and developed good relationships with the principal and other teachers. I got to know their classmates and their parents, so I felt okay dropping them off at birthday parties.

It’s not easy to find time to volunteer and get involved, but the payoff makes the investment worthwhile. Not only does it reduce your anxiety, it also creates great shared memories and sets an example for your kids.

Photo by Lukas from Pexels

Hesitate before jumping in to solve

I just told you to get involved in your kids’ lives, so my next point might seem like a contradiction, but hear me out.

You may have heard of helicopter parents. Don’t be one of those parents.

Yes, I did get involved at my kids’ school and with their other activities, but I avoided immediately swooping in to solve every issue that came their way at school or with their friends.

As a parent, the best thing you can do is teach your kids to respect others and help them learn right from wrong. If you’ve done that, be there to guide and support them, but step out of the way and let them figure things out. There will come a time when you won’t be there to solve their problems. Help them develop the problem-solving skills they’ll need to survive in the world.

Let them choose their own path

As your kids get older and start to consider career paths, resist the urge to interfere. If there’s something they are interested in or passionate about, let them follow that path, even if it’s not the path you followed, or the path you would have chosen for them.

The nature of work is changing quickly. Your kids will be working a long time and will probably change jobs and careers many times. The path they choose when they are in high school is an important first step, but it doesn’t determine their final destination.   

My older daughter chose a 4-year college degree program in film and television. My younger daughter is interested in a career in skilled trades. I didn’t try to influence either of their choices. As long as they end up employed and happy, I’ve done my job.

Let your kids choose their own path. If you try to force a square peg into a round hole that it doesn’t want to be in, they’ll resent you and it could just backfire.

Teach them the value of work…and money

My girls both got part-time jobs when they were 15. They developed a strong work ethic and learned valuable transferrable skills that will help them no matter where they go in life. I’m talking about things like time management, organizational skills, and the value of money.

I’ve heard other parents say they don’t want their teens working part-time because it takes their focus away from school and other activities. Yes, school is important but so are a lot of other things. My girls managed to juggle their part-time jobs with their schoolwork and other activities. They graduated high school with honours, had money in the bank, and had work experience to put on their resumes.

As a parent, it’s your job to prepare you kids for the real world. A world where they’ll have to earn a living and juggle many different tasks and responsibilities. A part-time job will give them an important head start on that real world.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

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I sometimes wish I could go back in time and have a chat with myself in the weeks leading up to the birth of my first child. I would tell myself “You’ve got this!” And, so do you!

Which of these parenting tips is your favourite? Are there any you disagree with? What parenting tips would you add to the list? Join the conversation below.