Ten years ago today, at around 2:30 in the afternoon, I sat in the doctor’s office and heard the life-changing words no-one wants or expects to hear in their life. “You have cancer.” To celebrate my 10 year “cancerversary”, I’m sharing my musings on what cancer taught me about life. Spoiler alert – It’s all good news!
First, let’s go back to 2011…
First, shock
Amid the fog of hearing the medical details about my diagnosis, I remember thinking “What? Me, with cancer? Wait, there must be some mistake. This can’t be happening to ME!” It was like one of those movie scenes where people hear words echoing over and over in their heads.
But, this was no movie and there was no mistake. On that day, my life changed forever – for the better. Yes, you read that right. Looking back now, I realize cancer gave me a new perspective on life and taught me some valuable lessons that I might otherwise never have learned.
Then, turmoil
For the 7 months following my diagnosis, my previously predictable life would turn into a whirlwind of hospital appointments.
A week after diagnosis, I had surgery. A couple of weeks after that, I met with the oncologist to discuss my treatment plan. The surgery was successful, but the cancer was aggressive and had spread to my lymph nodes. I would have 8 rounds of chemo, followed by 6 weeks of daily radiation treatments.
My oncologist was a wonderful lady and I clearly remember her saying to me “You are very calm about all of this” after she had explained my treatment plan. I replied, “You didn’t tell me anything I wasn’t expecting to hear. The sooner we start, the sooner this will be over with. Bring it on!” She smiled and scheduled my first chemo session for the following week.
Then, determination
After the initial shock wore off, I decided the best way forward was to tackle cancer head on. Yeah, it sucked but there was no point wallowing. I had no idea what the outcome would be, but worrying and moaning about it would just make me and everyone around me miserable. There would be none of that.
So, I decided to put my trust in God and the wonderful doctors at the Grand River Cancer Centre. In between medical appointments, I carried on with my life. I cooked dinner, drove my girls to school, and sang in the choir at church every Sunday. I attended school council meetings, theatre performances, and family gatherings. Other than being on medical leave from work, and spending a lot of time at the hospital, life went on as normal.
Let’s look at what cancer taught me about life.
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What cancer taught me
Looking back now, I realize that cancer came into my life to teach me some valuable life lessons. In many ways, I’m a different person today than I was on June 27, 2011. Here are the lessons I learned.
Things don’t always go as you plan
Pre-cancer Michelle was a bit of a control freak. She was a planner and an organizer, and always needed to know what was coming next. She actually thought she was in control of her life.
Cancer taught me that I wasn’t in control. For the first time in my life, I had no say in what was coming next. I was a passenger and all I could do was buckle up and get ready for a bumpy ride. It was a valuable lesson that helped me learn to take things as they come and trust that everything will work out as it’s supposed to.
If you want to do something, just do it
Pre-cancer Michelle would overthink everything and she wasn’t much of a risk taker. She was very cautious about trying anything new.
Since my cancer diagnosis, I don’t hesitate to try new things that I want to do. A few things that I’ve done in the last 10 years that I probably wouldn’t have done before cancer:
- Learning how to curl and getting my name on a championship trophy. Admittedly, it was a non-competitive recreational league but it was the first time in my life I had accomplished anything related to sports.
- Joining School of Rock and rocking out on stage with a band in front of a live audience.
- Attending Queen Breakthru, the official North American Queen convention. I’ve made some great friends and fabulous memories at the 4 Breakthru conventions I’ve attended.
- Having the courage and confidence to speak at conferences and events related to my work.
- Starting this blog and sharing my musings with the world.
And there are so many more things I want to do. And I’ll do them all!
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Pre-cancer Michelle worried about everything. What if this happens? What if that doesn’t happen? Stress was a constant in her life.
I often wonder if stress contributed to my cancer diagnosis. These days, I’m much more relaxed. I now realize that most of the things we stress about every day don’t matter. When things don’t go my way, I shake it off and carry on.
How you feel matters way more than how you look
Pre-cancer Michelle dyed her hair and spent a lot of money on clothes and makeup. Then, she lost her hair during chemo.
You know what? Losing my hair wasn’t the end of the world. If you want to hear more about that experience, check out the guest post I wrote for Smelly Socks and Garden Peas’ Lessons in Loss series.
These days, I’m more focused on health than appearance because ultimately, it’s health that matters. I’d rather be the ugliest person on earth than the most beautiful person in the graveyard.
You’re stronger than you think
If you had told pre-cancer Michelle a year before her diagnosis that she would be diagnosed with cancer, she would have predicted she would just fall apart. Guess what! It didn’t happen.
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh
This has always been one of my favourite quotes and it took on new meaning after my cancer diagnosis. Cancer taught me that I am stronger than I ever imagined, and I can deal with whatever life throws my way.
Take things with a grain – or a whole package – of salt
When it comes to health, there is so much misinformation out there, and I heard it all. People told me all about someone they knew, who knew someone else, who was cured of their cancer by bee-sting therapy or some other questionable treatment.
I learned to do my own homework, and trust the science and the medical experts. There’s a reason they go to school for so many years. This lesson has been especially valuable during the pandemic.
I also learned that it’s not worth spending my energy arguing with people with these kinds of views. They’ll never let facts get in the way of a good conspiracy theory.
Be grateful always
Pre-cancer Michelle didn’t always stop to count her blessings. She took a lot of things for granted, especially her health.
Now, I realize every day is a gift. When I’m having a bad day, I remind myself that things could be a lot worse, and I have much to be grateful for. One of the things I’ve said many times over the last 10 years – even the worst day at the office is better than a day in the chemo suite.
Enjoy the simple things
Pre-cancer Michelle was always rushing around, rarely stopping to be in the moment.
I still lead a busy life, but cancer taught me to take time to enjoy the simple things – flowers blooming in spring, birds singing, a beautiful sunset, or ducks swimming on the pond. My daily walk is a highlight of my day because it gives me time to be still and enjoy nature.
Look on the bright side
Pre-cancer Michelle sometimes had to be reminded to think positive and look on the bright side of things.
I don’t believe that a positive attitude can cure cancer. If it did, then there’s no way someone like Terry Fox would have lost his battle. I do, however, believe that a positive attitude can help you get through the experience.
When I received the pathology results from my surgery, it was a lot to take in. Some of the news wasn’t great – the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes, and I had triple negative breast cancer, a type of breast cancer that is aggressive and has a high risk of recurrence. On the positive side, the tumour was a lot smaller than originally thought (1.6 cm instead of 4 cm), and aggressive cancers respond better to chemotherapy than slower growing cancers.
I chose to focus on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. There’s something positive in every situation. Sometimes you have to look a little harder to find it.
Keep your sense of humour
Pre-cancer Michelle loved to laugh, but sometimes the seriousness of life got in the way.
They say laughter is the best medicine and I’ve always believed that. When it comes right down to it, nothing about cancer is funny.
But, it’s true. Laughter makes everything better. Throughout my treatment, I tried to find humour in things, and find things to laugh about. Keeping your sense of humour, even in the darkest of times, helps to make each day a little brighter.
I know it’s cliché, but every cloud has a silver lining. Even 10 years later, I still have lingering effects of my cancer treatments. But – Thanks to cancer, I’m healthier, happier and more relaxed now than I ever was before my diagnosis. I am grateful to still be here because many others who battled the beast aren’t.
I often wonder what my life would be like today had I not been diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago. It was a path I was meant to travel, so we’ll never know but I do wonder…
Have you ever had something terrible turn into a positive lesson? Tell me about it below.
This was encouraging to read as it’s this year in September will be four years since we found out my husband had cancer. It’s been a really difficult time with many issues and setbacks and many, many surgeries. Reading your experiences has me feeling a bit more positive about what the future holds for my husband (he is doing very well now). Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks Molly. Yes, a cancer diagnosis is definitely a test of our character. I’m glad to hear your husband is doing well. Four years is something to celebrate!
I watched my mom go through cancer treatments after I became a young adult, so your memories brought back many feelings. I haven’t had any life-altering moments such as cancer, but I believe that when people survive some kind of trauma or scary situation, they can have a a greater appreciation for life.
I also connected with how you’ve changed because I’ve watched the same thing in myself. I suspect age and maturity have something to do with it, but the more fears I’ve overcome, the better I feel about myself. How can we put a price on that? Letting fear steer the ship and being afraid to take risks is not the way we should live our lives.
Thanks for dropping by Pete. I do believe that age, maturity and wisdom have a big impact on how we see the world, and how we react to things. I keep telling my daughters that things don’t always go the way we want them to, they usually work out the way they were meant to. I’m not sure they’re buying it but that’s what I keep telling them.
You are an incredible person with a strong and determined mindset. With the title, I didn’t expect to smile as much as I did while reading this blog post.
These are such valuable lessons, and it’s amazing, you gained so much positive perspective from such a difficult time in your life.
I like the ‘if you want to do something, just do it’ lesson. I’m trying to do that more. 💜
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thanks so much. I think with many of life’s challenges, it’s easier to cope if you keep the perspective that you can learn and take something positive away from the experience.
You are one of the strongest people I know, Michelle. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
Thank you Cher! 💖
I can’t begin to imagine what it was like for you getting the diagnosis, then going through all the treatment, surgery, more follow-ups. I’m so glad you had wonderful doctors at the Grand River Cancer Centre, and that you have been able to take the positives and lessons learned from such challenging times.
While I’ve never had cancer, I think I can relate to quite a few of your lessons learned from illness and surgeries. I suppose for me I find some of them, like not sweating the small stuff, don’t quite stick. Any time I’m in hospital they’re so important and I think I have to do something about my ridiculous stress levels, but then things go back to routine day to day life again and stress shoots back up. These are all such profound lessons and I hope you can keep them with you no matter what happens, no matter how normal life gets in the way.
I think you’ve done a fantastic job of sharing your experience. Sending lots of love your way, Michelle 💜💙💚💛
Caz xx
Thanks so much Caz. Not sweating the small stuff is probably the most difficult one of them all. It’s very easy to get caught up in all the stress of life. It’s definitely one I have to remind myself of from time to time.
Congrats on ten years post (probably) the worst time of your life. Your strength really shines through. I, too, have the same mindset (change your perspective, think positively, just do it, etc.) when in despair but I’ve never had to deal with anything as heavy as cancer. I only hope I can have half your strength when things get really tough. Thanks for this inspiring post! 🙂
Thank you so much. It is surprising the strength you find when the going gets tough. The way I looked at it was I didn’t have any choice but to put my big girl pants on and carry on as well as possible.
Thank you so much for opening up about this and sharing everything you learned. It’s such a good reminder to focus on what’s important and to enjoy the simple things.
One of my terrible life experiences turned life lessons was having a financially abusive spouse. Exiting that situation forced me to learn a lot of financial lessons, which I have taken on and run with. It’s allowed me so much more financial freedom -even on a limited income – than I had before.
Thank you! I think every life experience, good and bad, is a learning opportunity. We just need to be open to the lessons!
Thank you for sharing this, Michelle. You just grow even more special in my heart as I learn more about you. We knew cancer in our family, too, and on your 10th year, I celebrate your strength, wisdom, and life.
Thank you so much! 💖
I loved this. I hope that if I’m ever faced with something that difficult, I can handle it similarly. Congrats on 10 years!
Thank you so much Suzanne!
Wow, thanks for sharing! I feel like your diagnosis gave you a head start on everything I continue to learn through foster parenting & the pandemic. I love to feel in control of my life, worry endlessly, and plan ahead for everything, but it simply doesn’t work like that. I’m definitely learning about patience acceptance, and responding to curveballs with calmness & grace
Thanks Brittany. That was one of the biggest wake-up calls for me. The realization that I wasn’t in control and couldn’t plan for what came next was a big challenge.
Love the lessons you took away from your experience and how, even ten years later, you hold those memories and lessons with you daily!
Thanks Jaya. I sometimes have to remind myself when I’m having a bad day that things could be (and have been) a lot worse!
There is so much good to be had from having a positive attitude. It may not cure cancer, but I am sure it helps. Thanks for your inspiring post. Excellent thoughts for anyone dealing with a challenging illness or condition.
Thank you so much Judy. You’re right. A positive attitude definitely helped me get through the experience.
This year is thirteen for me. I remember sitting in that surgeon’s office, she had walked in with an assistant, obviously fearing my losing it upon hearing. But I already knew. When she told me, I looked across the room at her and told her, “You know what it is, you know where it is, take care of it.” The assistant quietly left the room. Mine was caught early enough I did not need chemo, but I did need six weeks radiation. Like you, I learned a LOT. So much of the same that you have here. Congratulations on your ten years, may each year forward be even better.
Thank you Rebecca. The memory may fade but it never goes away. In the early days, I remember reading that, when you’re newly diagnosed, cancer is like a rock band playing in your living room. You can’t ignore it. Over time, the rock band moves to the garage, and eventually it’s like background dinner music. Always there, but not as intrusive. I have found that to be true. Rarely a day passes that I don’t think about cancer but it’s not top of mind every day.
Congratulations on 13 years! Here’s to many more!
True. The worst moment for me personally was when I went in a couple years later for a routine mammogram and part of the equipment wasn’t working. Upon questioning it was explained that it was the software that showed the percentage of a chance of one getting cancer..but since I had already had cancer mine was 100%. Oh great, thank you. So yes, it is a thought that is always lurking back there somewhere.
Thank you so much for sharing your story Michelle. I can’t imagine how difficult a time it must have been for you and your family. You’re right, no one ever expects or wants to hear those words!
It’s fantastic to hear that you’ve come out the other side with so many positives. You’ve inspired me to be a little less ‘stressy’! X
Thank you Jaclyn! It was a difficult time, but it definitely changed the way I approach life!
A beautiful post, Michelle. Everyone should learn your lessons. 😀
Thanks Rachel. I’m not sure I would have learned them if I hadn’t been forced to!
Great post! Loved the way you broke it all down. Sounds like so many lessons I learned through working at a cancer treatment center for 15 years in Arlington, Tx. And lessons I learned going thru it with my husband and then his mother. I have questions though. We’re you allowed or did you need to use cannabis? If not, did you try it or CBD for nausea/pain? How old were you when you went to School of Rock and how much was it? I would LOVE to do that, I used to dream of being a lead singer in a band. I’m so proud of you for taking the bull by the horns and having a positive attitude, finding the humor, and trying new things! What an inspiration you are!!
Thanks Kim!
I didn’t use cannabis. I actually managed quite well through the treatments and didn’t really need to. I don’t think it was legal even for medical use in those days. We’ve come a long way in that regard in Canada. Now, it’s fully legal for medical and recretional use.
I started School of Rock in 2016 and participated until our franchise closed in 2019. It was the best experience of my life. I can’t remember for sure but I think my program was around $200-$250 a month but that’s Canadian pricing so I expect the US price may be lower. That included a weekly lesson, and weekly rehearsal with the band. My daughter was also involved in the youth program and she loved it!
I’m green with envy, and now, being 60-albeit a young 60, I still would love to do it! I’ll have to check out the program-I think we have one in Southlake 😊
That’s one of the things I loved. The adult program had people of all ages. From 18 year-olds who had just graduated from the youth program, to people in their 70s. We all got along great. There’s nothing like music to bring people together.
Agreed!
Wow this was my best read of the day!!, such a positive and affirming post
I am so glad that you are doing great❤❤❤
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. 💖
Great to read this blog post as I start the day! Thank you (yet again) for your perspective and wisdom.
Thanks Will! 😀